06 January 2012

dealing with toxic people...

This blog is my little outlet, a fun happy creative place for me.  I have always tried to keep the blog positive and keep the negative out of it, but unfortunately I am already struggling to meet my new year goals which I only listed down days ago.

My goal to try and not stress out about things I can't fix is not going too well.  Sometimes you encounter some toxic  / negative people in your life and currently I am struggling a little on how to best deal with it.

I went to my trusty Google and typed "how to deal with toxic people" and I found this helpful post.  I hope it helps you too when you are dealing with some difficult people.   I have extracted below what I found helpful, which will hopefully get me back on track!
  1. Avoid toxic people. In some cases it may not be an option (ie work!), but more often than not, it is. It is also common to believe you can get a toxic person to change while interacting with them. You will not get them to change and trying it simply is not worth it.
  2. Anticipate toxic people. It is important to be able to spot them quickly, and start avoiding them before any relationship truly develops.
  3. Set firm boundaries. Toxic people will often use you, one way or another. This is where boundaries come in. Boundaries are reflections of what you are and are not willing to do.
  4. Get over your guilt. Most toxic people are very skilled at making others feel guilty when they don’t do what they want. This makes it particularly hard to set and maintain firm boundaries with them. But, there is a way out of this dilemma: getting rid of your guilt. It is your own guilt which toxic people use to break down your boundaries.  When you can set and maintain boundaries with them without feeling guilty, the weapon they have against you is gone. Realize that your guilt is irrational, pointless, and it is used against you by toxic people. This is the best way to get over it.
  5. Do not defend yourself. When you avoid toxic people and you set boundaries with them, they frequently resort to accusing you, complaining and playing the victim in an attempt to get you to change your behavior.  One of the worst things you can do when this happens is to defend yourself. It is usually a futile action and it only keeps an immature dialog going which eventually helps the toxic person get what they want. You won’t get anywhere with them by defending yourself and your actions.

1 comments:

alyda said...

big hugs lovely girl

 

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